Destroy All Ponies!
by Cannox
Summary: When Crypro crash-lands in Equestria, he thinks it's the end to his terrifying spree of destruction. But instead, it's only just begun... As Crypto would say, 'It's probing time, little ponies' Rated T for language.
1. My Little Furon: Brainstems are Magyk

**DESTROY ALL PONIES! **

**Chapter 1: My Little Furon: Brainstems are Magyk**

* * *

><p>As we open up, we see the residents of Ponyville atop a large hill. Many picnic baskets were set out, and large blankets were set out over the grass. All the ponies were there; the most noticeable one was a pink mare that was jumping all over the place.<p>

"Oh my gosh oh my gosh oh my GOSH!" shouted Pinkie Pie, jumping all over the place like a filly who had too much sweets. "I can't believe there's going to be ANOTHER star shower! I mean, what are the chances of _that _happening! Like, 3.14-"

"Alright, settl' down there cowpony!" Applejack said to her bouncy friend. "Now, ah know another star shower is pretty an' all, but ar' they worth getting _this _excited about?"

"Are you _kidding_?" Twilight said, glancing up from her astrology book. "We're lucky enough to receive one star shower in a century, but two? That's, well, simply…"

"Astronomical?" asked Spike, who was pouring drinks for everypony.

"Exactly," said Twilight Sparkle. She then glanced up at the starry sky. "Oh, guys, it's starting!"

So everypony shushed and gazed up at the night sky, looking upon the raining meteorites that were burning up in the atmosphere.

"Hey, Twilight," Fluttershy asked her violet companion, "do you think there's life out there, you know, in the stars?"

"Well, certain assumptions would have to be put in place," answered Twilight, "but if Princess Celestia and Luna created the stars, maybe they also created other planets, and put intelligent beings on them as well."

"Wow," said Fluttershy, her mind marveling at the possibility. "Just think, when pony and alien could meet for the first time! It would be the greatest moment in Equestrian history!"

Silence passed over them, broken only by Pinkie's, "Oh, look at that one! No, that one! Oh, and just look at _that _one! It looks like it's getting closer!"

"Pinkie Pie, that's impossible," said Twilight, looking on the accused falling star. "Meteorites would completely break up in the atmosphere. One couldn't possibly survive…the…process…"

Her eyes, along with everypony's elses, widened as she realized that the meteor _was _getting closer to them!

"Hit the deck!" Rarity screamed, and everypony proceeded to cover and cover their heads with their hooves. The falling object _barely _missed them, passing overhead and landing deep in the Everfree forest.

"What was _that_?" Applejack asked.

"I don't know," said Rainbow Dash, "but I'm checking it out!" With that, she sped into the Everfree forest.

"Rainbow Dash, wait!" Twilight Sparkle shouted at her impulsive friend. Shaking her head, she, along with the rest of the Elements of Harmony, ventured into the forest.

"Rainbow Dash!" Twilight whispered to her pegasus friend once she caught up to her. "The Everfree forest is a dangerous place, _especially _during the night! What were you thinking when you rushed in?"

"I was thinking, '_Hey, what are the chances I'll ever see a crashed star ever again?' _The answer: zip! Anyway, we're already here."

It was true. The Mane 6 had finally reached their destination. Many tress were wrecked, and there was a deep ditch leading to a smoking…

All of their jaws dropped.

"That is _not _a meteorite." Twilight stated.

It was a big, round metallic object, with blinking lights on the outside. On the top of it was an orange dome, though it was broken from the crash. Static could be heard from inside the cockpit.

"Other life." Fluttershy stated simply. Rarity almost fainted then and there.

"But, if that's a ship… where's the pilot?" Twilight asked. As everypony thought this over, one could almost hear words being formed from the static…

'_Cr…o…'_

'_Cryp…to…'_

* * *

><p>"<em>Crypto…"<em>

"_Crypto…"_

"**WAKE UP, YOU FILTY WASTE OF CLONE GELL!"**

A small grey alien snapped open from his sleeping.

"Cryptosporidium-140, reporting for duty, sir!" he said, snapping a salute to his awakener. That is, until he truly saw who it was.

"Ah, now Poxy, why'd ya have to wake me? I was having a wonderful dream of killing all humans…and I think you were in it."

"This is no time for slipping, Crypto," said a holographic Orthropox 13, except it _wasn't _Orthropox 13. When the real Pox, now emperor, sent Crypto back to Earth, he decided to give him a little _bon voyage_ present. This 'present' turned out to be a HoloPox unit, downloaded with a copy of the brain of your's truly. Though Crypto was reluctant to receive such a gift, deep down, he knew he could only let Pox boss him around.

Though days like these made him regret it.

"Can you keep it down, Pox?" the Furon clone asked his employer, rubbing his frontal lobes. "It feels like I've just gotten my brain smashed with a lemon wrapped around a gold bar."

"Yeah, well maybe if _someone _didn't fancy a joy ride while intoxicated, maybe we wouldn't be in this mess, would we?" Pox snapped at his viewed underling. "I knew I should have banned you from the stuff after what happened to your previous incarnation…"

"So he bowled himself over with that big boulder, so what? I'm still 110 percent operational, baby! Just call in the saucer and we can go home."

"The saucer is downed, no thanks to your fancy driving, and- wait…" Pox paused for a moment, staring out in the distance. "That's not possible…"

"What's not possible? Come on, Poxy, fill me in with the details here!"

"I am detecting little to no radio frequencies," Pox finally stated. "Unless all of 'hu-mans' have switched off everything electrical, I don't think we're on Earth anymore."

"Then where in the Sam Hell are we?" Crypto shouted, panicking at the thought of so many monkey lives he hadn't ruined yet. There was still so much to do, damn it!

"The only way to gain information is to experiment," Pox stated calmly. "First off, can you still use your PK abilities?"

Looking around, Crypto spotted a large boulder. Focusing on it, he picked it up with little difficulty.

"_Careful!" _Pox reinstated. "Your last incarnatio-"

"Yeah, I know, I know," Crypto reminded him. "At least he lasted more than 10 years…"

"Now, let's see… ah, I've located your Zap-o-matic! It's…a few feet in front of you."

Speak of the devil, so it was! Grabbing his weapon, he was reminded why he loved cooking things to 1000 degrees Fahrenheit in three seconds flat.

"Alright, now, what can I cook?" he asked. Luckily, some cows heard the conversation and decided to see what the commotion was all about.

"Right this way, Martha," one cow said to the other. "Now, little man, what seems to be the prob-"

"AH!" Crypto shouted, turning around and activating his Zap-o-matic. Instantly, the two cows were 'well done'.

"Mmm…anyone up for barbeque?" Crypto asked, delivering his one-liner.

"If I was actually biological, perhaps," said Orthropox. He shook his holographic head. "Focus, focus! Now, Crypto, I need you to search for intelligent life, and _this _time, don't fry it!"

Crypto nodded and ran off to find more life. He was knocked pretty far away from his saucer, so when he got there, he was surprised to see something else was there too.

"Pox, what the hell am I seeing here?" Crypto asked, pointing from beyond the cover of the trees.

"Mmm…they appear to be horses, ponies to be more accurate. And look, some of them have wings! And horns!"

"Unicorns! Where was I dropped off: inside a five year old girl's head? Get me the _hell _out of here, Pox!"

"Not so fast, my impulsive friend. We may be able to learn something from these 'ponies'. Cortex Scan them to hear what they're thinking!"

Rolling his eyes, Cryptosporidium did what he was asked. He picked the purple one first.

'_Ohmygoshohmygoshohmygosh! I HAVE to report this to Princess Celestia right away! I hope Spike brought a pen and some paper with him…_

"Princess Celestia, mmm?" Orthropox questioned, having listened into the Scan. "Must be their leader! Cortex Scan another one!"

Crypto scanned the yellow one next.

'_Oh, I hope this extra life form is alright. I just couldn't sleep at night knowing that a poor, defenseless, creature is dying out here…'_

"Defenseless!" Crypto snarled. "You've just made my list, pony!" He Scanned the rainbow colored one next.

'_Ah man, I __**totally **__want to touch that thing right now! But Applejack would probably scold me. Mm, now that I notice it, Applejack has some nice flanks…'_

Shaking his head in disgust, Crypto scanned the orange one next.

'_Now what in the hay is this? Maybe Grandma wasn't lyin' when she was sproutin' that alien nonsense. And is it me, but is Rainbow Dash starein' at mah cutie marks__ an awful strongly like…'_

"Wait, what's this?" Pox asked, looking at their biometric data. "An anomaly…scan more ponies Crypto!" Doing as he was asked, he scanned the white one next.

'_Mm, didn't expect __**this **__when I was drinking my coffee this morning. And- oh dear Celestia, is Rainbow Dash checking out Applejack? If she's that's desperate, maybe I should offer her one of my toys after all…_

"Yes, yes! I mean, yes to the Scanning, not the-ug, just scan some more!"

Last was the pink pony.

'_Oh, what's that? And that! And __**that**__! Oh, I wonder what that thingie does, and what does that thing do, and that looks special! Shiny! Pretty! Fancy!'_

"Mm, now let's see…oh my Arkvoodle, it can't be! Crypto, quick, create a distraction now, no questions asked!"

Panicking, Crypto picked up a boulder and launched it at some trees. While the ponies turned around to see what the commotion was, Orthropox activated the ship's cloaking generator. When the ponies turned back, it looked like the spaceship had just simply vanished into thin air.

"WHAT!" the purple one shouted. "How did this happen? Guys, get the rest of the town, we need to find that spaceship!"

After the ponies dispersed, Crypto turned back to Pox. "Alright, Poxy, what's got you so spooked? Do these ponies slowly kill of Furons just by standing around, 'cause I swear, I think my package just shrunk a little, if you know what I mean. Hehe…wait, that's not funny."

"No, Crypto, I've found out something else: these creatures are made from Magykamite!"

"…what-ite?"

"Magykamite, or more commonly referred to as 'Magyk', is an ultra-rare element! It has many uses, such as building better energy sources, expanding the mind, being used as a rather delicious spice, the works. And it seems that hidden deep within the brains of these creatures is a sprinkle of Magyk…"

"So we harvest their brains then? I'm liking this plan…"

"NO!" Orthropox yelled at Crypto. "Harvesting the brain greatly dismisses the amount of Magyk in it! Meet me in the morning and we'll start our plans of total world domination then…"

"Yeah, let me just sleep on the cold hard ground," Crypto said, waving Pox off and walking into the forest. "Not like I'm stranded on a alien planet- oh wait, **I F#&KING AM!**"

* * *

><p>We open again to Orthropox and a very cranky Cryptosporidium behind the Sweet Apple Acres barn. Strangely, standing with them is a tiki of Arkvoodle, Lord of the Sacred Crouch.<p>

"Crypto, look at what I found!" Pox exclaimed, clearly excited. Sleepily glancing at the statue, Crypto was shocked into wakefulness.

"Holy crap, where did _that _come from!" Crypto asked, pointing at the idol.

'**Silly Furon, wherever there is genitalia, there shall be Arkvoodle!' **Arkvoodle responded in his booming, yet pleasant, voice. '**And there's a reason they call him 'Big' Macintosh, ha! But, seriously, if you can help me destroy their farming equipment, I would gladly activate a landing zone for your saucer. I'll transport you to it right now!'**

Suddenly, Crypto found himself up in the air in his saucer, abet that it was in poor condition. Pox appeared next to him

"Alright, Crypto, you remember how to Transmogify?"

"Yeah, yeah, get off my back!" With that, he took off. He hovered over a plow and tractored it in. He then disassembled it for parts, destroying it while repairing his ship. In moments the ship was fixed.

"Goood," said Orthropox. "Now, do it on another one and we can get the Death Ray online!"

Doing as Pox instructed, Crypto quickly got the Death Ray online and functional. Arkvoodle was pleased as this turn of events.

'**Alright! Now no more shall these insolent ponies bother the Godlike and Omnificent Arkvoodle with their bucking farming! Landing Zone Activated!'**

The Arkvoodle idol sunk into the ground, allowing Crypto a place to land. Once he had and had gotten out of the saucer, he confronted Pox.

"Great, now can I go to the meditation chamber now? My back is killing me…"

"Not yet, Crypto," said Pox. "First, I need some Magyk to study. Find some defenseless ponies and rip their imagination out!"

Crypto rolled his eyes, but ventured out anyway. Pretty soon, he encountered two female ponies traveling down a lonesome path. One was mint green with a lyre on her flank and another was white with wrapped candies. Crypto lunged into the bushes to avoid being seen.

"Alright, Crypto," said Pox, appearing next to him in the bushes. "Focus on one of their brains _but don't pop it out! _Instead, try pulling out a specific part."

Focusing on the green one, Crypto didn't focus on the brain as a whole, but rather search for a specific part. He found it in the creativity section of the brain. Narrowing his eyes, he began to pull whatever was there out.

"Lyra, are you okay?" asked the white one.

"I don't know, Bon-bon. I feel strange. Like someone is trying to-ah!" Suddenly, a blue pixel like object flew out of Lyra head, heading to Crypto. Her color faded and she slumped to the ground. Her friend instantly ran to her aid.

"Mm, extraction of Magyk from an organic being results in a depressed mood state," said Pox, observing the creature's reaction. He then shrugged his arms. "No water off my back, as they say! Now, for _alternate _ways to gather Magyk…"

"Oh yeah!" said Crypto, arms head out to receive the Anal Probe. "Let me peg that target, it's sitting right in front of me!" However, what he got was not what he was expecting.

It looked like the Anal Probe, but was colored hot pink.

"Pox?" asked Crypto.

"Yes, Cryptosporidium?" asked Orthropox.

"What. The. _Hell_. Is this?" he asked, pointing at the re-colored gun.

"Well, biometric scans of these creatures show that if stimulated enough, their Magyk will blow out their diminutive heads." Pox answered calmly.

"Wait, you mean we're…"

"Yes, Crypto," said Pox. "We are literally going to f*!k her brains out."

Crypto turned to the camera before responding. "Why the hell did you not develop this for monkey women?"

"Stay focused, Crypto! Now, I trust you know how to use this gun?"

"Yeah, yeah," said Crypto, charging up the 'Pleasure' Probe and pointing it at the white pony's rear. When it was fully charged, he fired it, sinking it deep in her-

"**OH SWEET CELESTIA!" **Bon-bon screamed, a foreign object entering her neather regions. She ran around wildly, trying to get it out.

"Oh goddess, oh goddess, oh…yeahhhh…" she finally just laid down and took it. Pretty soon, her Magyk blew out and the piece of Furon technology dismantled itself.

Crypto walked over to the stimulated pony. Although her color had faded, she had a huge grin and her tongue was sticking out.

"Frankly, dear Pox, I'm disgusted with you…and to be honest, myself a little bit."

"Get over it Crypto," rebutted Pox. "They are sure to have some form of defense or military on this world. So, if it comes to it, do not hesitate to…"

Pox paused for dramatic effect.

"DESTROY! ALL! PONIES!"

They remained silent until Pox said, "Mm, that sounded better in my head…"

"Destroying a five year old girl's paradise?" Crypto asked. "I'm game."

Pox smirked. "Great. Now, here's what we need to do…"

* * *

><p>Twilight and her friends were walking around Ponyville, talking about the disappearing wreckage, when suddenly Pinkie Pie's body went into a fritz!<p>

"Whoa, what was that about?" Twilight asked her hyperactive friend.

"Mmm, I don't know, but it probably means that two aliens named after diseases are plotting to steal all the Magyk from our brains." Pinkie Pie smiled wide. "Or it just means that I left the stove on. Um, gotta go guys!"

As her friends watched her gallop away, they shook their heads.

"That Pinkie Pie just don't make much sense thar', huh girls?" Applejack asked, her friends nodding in agreement. But in later times, they wished they would have listened to Pinkie Pie after all, and maybe all that had happened could have been avoided…


	2. The Perfect Snatch

**DESTROY ALL PONIES!**

**Chapter 2: The Perfect Snatch**

As we open up, we can see that, again, Cryptosporidium and Orthropox are hiding in the bushes, spying on the Mane 6.

"Drat!" spat Pox as he watched the pink one gallop away. "They're on to us! How is that even possible? Crypto, we must investigate this immediately! Body Snatch a vulnerable little pony and see what those six ponies know."

"Don't worry, Pox. These ponies look as smart as cows. Just give me time, and I'll ride them like gamblers rode the women back in Los Paradiso." Leaving a disgusted Pox behind, Crypto went in search for the perfect snatch…

* * *

><p>Ditzy Doo, or Derpy Hooves as she was nicknamed, was walking to deliver mail to the residents of Ponyville. She took the scenic path, which greatly irked her superiors, but that didn't bother her.<p>

Suddenly, a blueberry muffin rolled out from the bushes. Now, a smarter pony would have questioned where this had come from, but Derpy wasn't really scoring the top test marks here, people. Plus, she really had affection for this type of treat.

"Muffin!" Derpy gasped, rushing towards her prize…

…only to be blocked by a short grey creature.

"Look deep into my cold, red eyes!" it growled. There was a brief battle of wills, but pretty soon, Derpy found herself being pushed in the deepest corner of her own mind…

* * *

><p>If somepony were to look at Derpy at this very moment, they would have noticed three things. One: her eyes were straight. Two: she was apparently talking to herself. Three: she now had the voice of an emotionless Texus (the Equestrian version of Texas) colt.<p>

"It feels strange, Pox," Crypto said, checking out his Pegasus body. "Strange but…yeah, just strange."

"You'll get over it," Pox broadcasted to his brain. "Now, find the pink one first. She is the most vital to our cause!"

"Yeah, yeah, keep your knickers on, sheesh." Crypto said. With that, he went off in search of the one this mind knew as 'Pinkie Pie'.

Due to years of practice, Crypto could now pull out memories from the mind of his captive. So walking like a pony came naturally to him, and he knew his way around Ponyville.

Suffice to say, he was sick of this place. All the color, all the happiness, all the _ponies_! It remained him of the 70s, but only more girly. By Arkvoodle, he wanted to puke his Furon guts all over the pavement! Luckily, the thought of eradicating all these ponies once he was done probing them helped him survive his walk to Sugar Cube Corner.

'Mare'ing the counter was Pinkie Pie. Remembering to heighten his pitch, 'Derpy' spoke up.

"Hey, Pinkie Pie, what's shakin'?"

Not even Pinkie Pie was fooled.

"Why Derpy, what straight eyes you have! And how Texun your voice has turned! And how intelligent you've become! Er, no offence."

Okay, maybe she was fooled a little bit.

"Er, I've been taking…pills," said Crypto, improvising. Wishing to get to the point, he spoke up again.

"I've heard I'm not the only one with bodily malfunctions," Crypto stated. "So, what's literally shakin'?"

"Oh, well, my body shakes either told me aliens were invading or the stove was left on. But when I got back, the stove was off! So if you see any nasty aliens, tell your aunt Pinkie Pie right away! In fact…" she peered at 'Derpy' with one wide eye. "Are you an alien?"

"She's on to us, Crypto!" Pox shouted. "Infect her with…Boogie Fev-ah!"

Complying with what Pox commanded, Crypto raised his hooves to his head and concentrated.

"Hey, Derpy, what are you do- WHOA!" Pinkie Pie suddenly had the uncontrollable urge to dance. She leapt up on the counter and began boogieing to music only she could hear.

"Ooh, this is my jam!" Pinkie Pie completely forgot what she was worried about.

Smirking, Crypto left to find this 'Rarity' pony…

* * *

><p>As Crypto opened the door, he heard the ring of a bell and saw the flank of a white pony.<p>

"Com-ing!" Rarity called out in a sing-song voice. She turned around to see a straight eyed Derpy.

"Um, Derpy, what-"

"Pillz." said Crypto, deciding to add a little more 'stupid' this time.

Rarity nodded her head. Of course.

"So, Derpy, what do I owe this visit? Here to deliver mail again, I hope?"

"Nope!" said Crypto. "You hear better than me. What news around town?"

"Oh, well, don't you remember? I personally remember telling you about the crashed spaceship last night." Rarity sighed. "Twilight was so crushed when it suddenly disappeared. She was planning to send a letter to Princess Celestia, but now she would just look silly! But, in other news, Lyra and Bon-bon were recently found…"

Crypto switched his attention to Orthropox, who was screeching in his head. "Good, no one from the 'outside' knows were here. Now, see what else you can find out from the other ones!"

However, Crypto decided to mess with Rarity a little bit. Maybe it was her pompous attitude, but Crypto hated her more than the other ponies he saw.

"So, Rarity, you get any new 'toys' lately?" Crypto asked, dropping the stupid act.

Rarity's heart skipped a beat. "W-whatever do you mean, dearie?" Crypto Scanned her mind to see what she was thinking about.

'_Does she mean the ones I keep in the secret compartment upstairs? No, she couldn't know, no one can know…'_

"You know, the ones you keep in the secret compartment upstairs? Yeah, I know all about those."

Rarity turned even whiter, and her knees buckled out. "Y-you know…"

"Yes, I do. And unless you want every pony is this town to know about your dirty little secret, you answer to me, _alright_?"

"Y-yes, ma'am…"

"Good girl." Crypto said, patting Rarity's head. He left the shop, leaving Rarity a broken pony.

* * *

><p>"See, that eye problem was <em>no <em>problem. Maybe now you can fly properly! I mean, no offence, but, you know, you kind of had bad depth perception."

Crypto was now in front of Rainbow Dash's house, with said pony currently flying around it. Crypto told her the 'pills' story, though now he spoke like a normal pony… well, as normal as possessed pony can get. And now he desperately wanted to fuse her snout together.

"Yeah, yeah, later. So, about that crash-"

"Of course, you couldn't be as fast as _me_. Or maybe you could? Wanna' race to find out?"

Crypto grounded his teeth together. "No, I do _not _want to race with you. Now, tell me about the crash before I-"

'**Crypto!' **shouted Arkvoodle. Crypto looked around and saw a statue on the other side of the lake. **'Show this insolent pigeon what a Furon with genitalia can do! Beat her proposed challenged, and I shall deliver upon you a holy landing sight.'**

Mmm…Rainbow Dash's place _was _on the other side of Ponyville, and anyway, he wanted to wipe that smug grin off her face. Honestly, he wanted to use an Ion Detonator to achieve that job, but until he found the data module for it, this would haveto do.

"Okay, you're on, pigeon!" Crypto said, raising up in the air. Unfortunately, while this pony could walk normally, Derpy never was really good up in the air. But Crypto was never one to admit defeat.

"Alright!" Rainbow Dash said, hoof-pumping in victory. "The finish line is Sweet Apple Acres. Ready, set, go!"

Rainbow Dash achieved her namesake, leaving Crypto far behind.

"Crypto," contacted Orthropox. "Normally, I would instruct you on how to fly by telling the player to move the right and left analog stick. However, as this is but a fiction of fandom, everything relies on the details of the author."

"Whoa, Poxy!" said a concerned Cryptosporidium. "This is only the second chapter! Leave the fourth wall breaks for later, 'k?" With that, he sped up.

Normally, Derpy could _never _hope to catch up with Dash. However, with the mind of a Furon…

"Temporal…FIST!" Crypto shouted, stopping all time. He sped past Dash, and for added bonus, pre-PK'd her backwards.

"What the hay just happened?" Rainbow Dash asked, suddenly finding herself soaring backwards. She recovered and flew even harder, but Derpy was already over Apple Acres, celebrating her victory. However, she than decided to rub salt in the wounds.

"Take that, you gay colored turkey!"

"_What'd you just say_?" Rainbow Dash asked, raising a hoof in warning.

"Er…gay originally meant happy, so I meant that you're a happy colored pony! Yeah, that's it…"

"Alrighty then…" said Rainbow Dash, flying backwards while glaring at her. With one final glare, she sped off back to her house to train. A message from Arkvoodle told Crypto that a new landing site had been activated.

Remembering that Applejack lived at this pitiable farm, 'Derpy' flew down to talk to the farmer pony.

* * *

><p>"Pills, huh? Well, while ah am glad for ya, ah should warn ya, you shouldn't trust those things! To… science-ty."<p>

"Note taken," said Crypto. "So, what'd ya know of these 'aliens' things?"

"Well, ol' granny always goes on a rant 'bout them 'bout every month or so. Sometimes she's tells 'bout the probin', that's when I cover Apple Bloom's ears, ya know? And sometimes she…"

Crypto decided to retreat in his mind to avoid… the _accent_. Now, Crypto had been to France and Russia, but nothing infuriated him further than a southern accent.

'_I mean, come on, why do you think other monkeys make fun of your accent? Let me tell you why: it's annoying!_ _That's why I moved to Texas: to personally destroy all humans that replaced 'I' with 'ah'! Can you people not even afford proper speech lessons you're just that poor? Or are you just dumb enough not to realize that you add a 'g' at he end? Uhg, I just want to, to…'_

"You al' right there, Derpy?" asked Applejack. "It looked like you done just ate one o' Pinkie Pie's sour lemons!"

Crypto forced a smile. "Yeah, I'm fine. Look, I gotta… eat a muffin. See you later!"

'_Watching your corpse burn, I hope.'_ Thought Crypto as he galloped away. Shrugging her shoulders, Applejack went back to looking for their missing plows.

* * *

><p>"So, Fluttershy, what do you know about aliens?"<p>

"N-not much, Derpy," said Fluttershy. The two were currently outside, with Fluttershy and Angel looking over the chickens. "I just hope that whatever crash landed is alright…"

"And what if it _was_ okay, and wanted to destroy all ponies?"

Fluttershy stared at 'Derpy'. "Well, that would be bad, wouldn't it? What's with you Derpy, your not the same today. Maybe you shouldn't take those pills…"

'Derpy' waved her off. "Applejack told me the same thing, but I'm fine, serious! Just don't ask me about this conversation tomorrow, 'k?"

"…Okay?"

"Good." said Crypto. As he walked off, Angel gave the pegasus the 'I'm watching you' gesture and scampered off.

* * *

><p>As Crypto opened Twilight's door, Pox spoke up.<p>

"Only one more, Crypto, and we can be done with this!"

Nodding his head, Crypto went inside to confront Twilight.

"Oh, hi Derpy!" Twilight said, pulling herself away from a book. "I've heard from Rainbow Dash that you're taking pills…and that you beat her. Must be some pills."

"You betcha'!" said Crypto. "So, can you tell me all about our queen Celestia?"

Twilight seemed slightly offended. "Tsk-tsk, Derpy. Don't you remember that that Celestia prefers 'Princess' to 'Queen'."

"So…who rules?"

Twilight was confused. "Why, Princess Celestia of course. Derpy, are the pills wearing off?"

'Wait, they are ruled by a princess, but not a queen? What madness is this?' Pox screeched. 'Crypto, ask this mare more questions!'

"So, how long has this Princess ruled?" Crypto asked.

"Well, from the beginning of time, I guess." Answered Twilight. "She created the universe, so she would know for certain."

'Interesting,' said Pox. 'This 'Princess' has manipulated everyone into believing that she is some god-like being! Pester her for more questions!'

"So, this Princess is basically a Goddess, right?"

"Well, her and Luna _are_ the only Alicorns in recorded history, and they raise the sun and moon, so yes, they are Goddesses."

'_WHAT_' Pox shouted, clearly infuriated. 'Do their lies know no bound? They have even made these _inferior_ ponies believe that they are the masters of the cosmos itself! Crypto, ask about the crash and then return to me immediately!'

"So, uh, what happened with the crash last night?"

"Oh, I don't know," said Twilight. "I finally got the courage to send a letter, and Celestia said she would send some ponies to check out the crash sight. I just hope I didn't secretly embarrassed her…"

"Yeah, that's sad," Crypto said with false sympathy. "Listen, I gotta deliver some letters, so, um, toot-a-loo!"

'Derpy' fled out of the Library, leaving Twilight to finish her book.

* * *

><p>When Crypto made it back to Pox, he popped out of Derpy's body. He didn't bother to zap her as she fled; no one would believe her if she told them she was possessed by an alien.<p>

"Crypto, this is bad!" said Pox as he hovered before his colleague.

"I know!" said Crypto. "I had this unrelenting urge to eat muffins while stuck inside that idiot's body! How disgusting is that!"

"No, no!" said Pox. "I mean, this 'Celestia' is sending people, probably military, to look at the crash site. We must not let our presence be known…yet."

"Finally!" said Crypto. "Look, this ain't 'Scan All Ponies', or 'Observe All Ponies', or even 'Impersonate All Ponies'. It's 'Destroy All Ponies'! So give the reviewers what they want and load me up, baby!"

"Oh, so I can't break the fourth wall in the second chapter, but you can?" Pox replied with a growl. "Anyway, the Disintegrator Ray data module flew out when _someone_ crashed the ship. Strangely, it's near a gem mine, nowhere near the crash site. So that means that something- or some_one_- stole it! Expect to encounter resistance, Crypto!"

"Thanks for caring, Poxy." Crypto said before engaging his jetpack and flying off. There was a fight to be had, he could just _taste _it.

**Next Chapter: Young Furon, They Call Them Diamond Dogs**


End file.
